Let’s be honest, whether you have one kid or 10, we all know it’s no easy feat raising a child or children. There’s a reason the saying “it takes a village ” exists. However the times are constantly changing and unless you are to the manor born, have retired parents or win the lottery, it becomes more and more likely you will have to go back to work to provide for your child if nothing else.
I enjoy my job, I really do, and I thrive when I can get stuck into a task and give my full focus and efforts to a project. And while that may have been second nature before, it takes a little more focus and added extras (hello, caffeine drip!) To get you there when you’ve got a whole other role to play after 5pm. And then it starts over again. You have this whole little being you created, who relies on you 100% for everything, who loves and cherishes and thrives off you, needing that same focus, enthusiasm and ambition.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that when you’re used to being so always-on and filling every day with 100% energy, enthusiasm and activity both with your child and at work, what point is it ok to say you’re exhausted?
I didn’t say I was exhausted when my house went on fire
For the months of displacement, recovery, anxiety, rebuilding and dealing with insurance companies (a job in itself fyi), I never said I was exhausted. When I had half an hour of sleep and couldn’t close my eyes because of adrenaline and fear, much less sleep, I didn’t say I was struggling. When I couldnt sleep properly for days after and had to cope with a baby who just got their first set of jags, I seemed to be coping. So there sets a precedent.
I didn’t say I was exhausted when I had tonsilitis
The first time you get ill as a parent is definitely an eye opener. You may think that you didn’t get muchsympathy for illness before but boy will that perception change when you have a newborn. They are still the most important thing and should come first, (I don’t disagree) but as if it isn’t hard enough adjusting to life with a tiny human, than you have to go and get ill and try to cope. But it was only tonsilitis. I get it a good 4/5 times a year. I know how to manage it, what to do, what to take. So everybody knew I’d be fine. How could I possibly be exhausted?
I didn’t say I was exhausted when I went back to work
No matter how we prepare, I think mammas can all agree that returning to work is a bit of a struggle. There’s a new level of tiredness unlocked when you return to work, not to mention a new routine to adjust to, and inevitably a change in your baby as they get used to a different kind of day. But still I kept calm and carried on then. Knowing that this was the logical next step, something that the majority of women have to do all the damn time, so what was my problem?
I didn’t say I was exhausted when I was left with routines, household chores, work and no long lies or catch up naps while daddy worked nights.
When daddy worked nights and mum was left in charge of wake up and bedtime routines, preparing food, clothes and necessities for the day, doing the nursery run, bath time and play time while somehow managing to organise herself and work in between, there was no utter of exhaustion. No cry for help. Just a conscience that said nobody else was going to do it, and nobody had time for my pity party anyway.
So what makes me think it’s ok to say it now?
Now I’m at the edge. I’ve never felt an illness like this before so I don’t know how to deal with it. With tonsilitis I know what to expect, how to manage it, how to cope. I’m grasping at straws here while Travis is ill as I’m so helpless with him too. They give you nothing for colds, except maybe cough syrup which the doctor admits has no curing powers. So I lie in pain waiting for sleep and when I get there, Travis wakes with his coughing. And before I know it it’s 5am and I’m basically just hoping for a nap in the next hour before I have to get up and rinse and repeat. I feel completely exhausted physically whilst being constantly mentally drained. Maybe I forget the severity of the tiredness in the first few weekend Travis life but this just seems tougher. I don’t feel like I can be a parent, a nurse, a house maid, a competent employee, a fiance, a friend, All at the same time as being an invalid. And I know there’s people out there who do all this on their own, who do all this with other kids in tow and I absolutely salute them because I don’t know how they do it. And I definitely don’t think I can say I’m exhausted when they have it so much harder.
And now I’ve lay awake for an extra hour writing this blog so I’m going to be even more exhausted. Go figure!