my pregnancy, tests

How to Panic an Unlikely Mum

So I’d planned to write a blog about what a great baby shower I had on Sunday, despite being a bit sceptic about the whole concept of such things. But then something happened later on the Sunday which sent me into a bit of a panic.

Normally chilled and laid-back (most of us probably say that about ourselves), not a lot tends to phase me. I’ve been taking this unexpected pregnancy in my stride and feel I’ve been coping ok (others may agree differently!) with all the changes to my body, hormones and general life as a result. But panic hadn’t featured until Sunday.

Bad blood

In my last blog musing, I wrote about how we had made it full term and that it was basically all systems go for delivering in the local community maternity unit. So far, so smooth. The only thing that could have prevented this from being an option would be the results of the blood I had taken at my ante-natal check up that day.

I chose to use a witty blog sub-heading which made me hum a Taylor Swift song all day (I’ve used it again. You’re welcome), thinking I didn’t really have anything to worry about. Sure, when donating blood mine tends to take longer than most to drip out (I hate to part with anything apparently), but any time I’ve donated in the past, the blood gets out eventually and is good stuff to use. At least nobody has ever told me otherwise.

So I was quite confident my blood would pass whatever tests they were running. Aside from this, I’d been feeling fit and healthy, and none of my previous ante-natal bloods showed any problems, so in my head there was no issue.

You have one new message

Post-baby shower, I was ferrying around friends and family members as pregnancy equals sobriety which also equals guaranteed designated driver (Not that I mind driving, I mostly offer/insist). For that reason, my phone was out of my hands and general realm of consciousness for quite some time. The other half had stopped in to pick up a takeaway on the way home, so I had a quick check of my phone as I waited for him to return to the car.

There was a missed call from an 0800 number I vaguely recognised, with one voicemail waiting too. Wrongly assuming it was a sales call, I quickly opened my voicemail to get rid of the notification, but on hearing the voice at the other end, I received quite a shock.

It was one of the midwives, or doctors, I can’t recall her explaining, looking to discuss my blood results. As she couldn’t get hold of me then, she would call back in the morning. I don’t know about you but from all previous experience, if tests are fine, the medical professionals don’t need to discuss anything with you. Usually you just get printed results added to your notes, possibly sent out to yourself in the post too.

So this already panicked me. On calling the number back, I went to an NHS switchboard. With little to go on apart from the caller’s first name, I knew I wasn’t going to get any further forward. Plus, there was now Chinese food taking over my sense of smell and distracting me.

Sunday night blues

Post takeaway with the in-laws, I started to think more about the missed call and voicemail. My inner Sherlock/paranoid hormonal mum-brain started doing overtime. Who would call at 7pm on a Sunday if the results could wait till Monday? Surely it would have to be serious to call when no doctors surgery or pharmacy would be open, and with the community maternity unit only open for another hour that day? Why didn’t she leave more information so I could try to reach her that evening? What was I supposed to do all night thinking about this?

Of course, option 1 is always to Google the symptoms. But I was partly too afraid to do that, and partly thought there could be literally anything wrong with my blood so wouldn’t know where to start. Instead, my mind just went into overdrive wondering how badly ill I was without knowing (I still felt wholly fine, heartburn and sciatica aside), if it could affect baby, what I should prepare for in the morning and much more.

As an avid Hollyoaks fan (problem?), I was aware of a current storyline involving a pregnant character who found out she has ovarian cancer whilst halfway through her pregnancy. So naturally the other half had to convince me I didn’t have blood cancer and that was a bit extreme to be casually noted in a voicemail of a Sunday night.

So whilst most of the nation tossed and turned, anxious at the thought of going into another working week with only Monday blues lying ahead, I lay awake thinking about all the things that either could be wrong or that I’d have to change now in light of this voicemail. My hospital bag had been repacked in my head, with visions of me being carted to the city hospital the next day, ready to meet baby a couple of weeks earlier than planned.

Relief

It was lunchtime on Monday before the midwife managed to call me back. I’d put my phone on loud for the first time since I was about 16 and had a cutting-edge polyphonic ringtone, just so I wouldn’t miss the call. She was calm and blase, which was nice but annoying at the same time. She casually asked if I was taking iron tablets, to which I replied I hadn’t ever taken them. I panicked, thinking I possibly might have poisoned my unborn bump with too much iron.

Her response was that she would phone the GP to get a prescription sorted out for me as my iron is borderline low. That was it. Low iron. A ridiculously common issue in pregnancy and general life depending on your diet/where you live. Nothing that couldn’t have waited till the Monday morning, and nothing, it transpired, that would mean any changes to my pregnancy and delivery. I was overwhelmed, relieved, angry and ecstatic all at the same time.

Most of me knows that it was 100% my fault for overreacting and sending my brain into overdrive, but I can’t help but feel the vagueness and casualness of said midwife had a part to play in panicking this unlikely mum.

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my pregnancy

The Joy of (Not) Sleeping

Going to bed has suddenly become something of a routine dreaded chore. Worse than cleaning the drain cover in the shower.

Sleep is necessary. I know this. In fact I hate my past self for taking sleep for granted so much. Burning the candle at both ends, enjoying life on minimal sleep, or in contrast, squeezing in a Sunday afternoon nap just because. All that freedom and control over my own sleep pattern seems like a distant memory, something I probably dreamed in a past life when I was able to do so.

Instead, there’s a wriggly little monster in my belly intent on dictating when I can and can’t get comfortable enough to sleep. Up top, eyes and brain are flagging to the point of talking nonsense and taking extra long blinks that I pray turn into naps. But below the neck, there’s heartburn and acid reflux, working down to kicks in the ribs, elbows to the bladder and someone else’s limbs pressing against my spine.

And when my body does eventually give in to sleep (or exhaustion), that’s not so pleasant either. More like a series of intermittent naps broken by trips to the loo, changes in position and working out if enough time has passed to take more painkillers washed down with a generous helping of Gaviscon.

Whilst still having to work full time and adhere to a 9 to 5 workweek routine, I’m barely coping by running on what feels like empty. Already I’m joking with colleagues and pals that I can’t wait for bump to arrive so I can get a decent sleep.

They all scoff; don’t I know that babies keep you up through the night, waking to be fed or changed? I will never get a proper sleep again, they proclaim, saying I should make the most of the time I can sleep and nap now.

Honestly Sandra, do you think I’d come in here with eyebags bigger than Kanye West’s ego, no make-up and dry-shampooed hair if I’d been able to get my beauty sleep and naps on demand? Do you think I’d be fixated on your fancy coffee like a lion stalking a gazelle if I was awake, alert and fully rested? Might I know what day of the week it is and who was just on the phone 5 minutes ago if I was on the ball from all that rest?

I could go on forever but you get the picture. I’m there in body but scraping by in ability. So although I appreciate the sentiment that I should be stockpiling sleep and rest, it’s actually not proving so easy to do. In fact, I feel as though when bump arrives, any sleep will be an improvement on the current situation.


Need a feed every 3 hours wee boy? No problem – that’s double the length of consistent unconsciousness I’m afforded right now with my pea-sized bladder. Crying in the night for a feed or a change? No problem – there are 2 people around who are able to deal with that in fair and equal turns. Been particularly pesky through the night from teething/colic/just to annoy mummy? No problem – pass the Red Bull and other highly caffeinated beverages.


I so hope I’m not wrong.